the honeymoon

You can see a much larger selection of our 700+ honeymoon pics on flickr. Here's the abbreviated (as much as possible) guide to our April 2005 adventures in the U.K.


At the airport, bound for London. Finally some time to read!


We arrived in London at 7am. After a few hours of napping, we ventured out to do the tourist thing. Here's the requisite picture of Ben with Big Ben.


Eva and Nick put us up in London and took us out on the town.


Here we are in St. Ives, Cornwall. We stayed at a wonderful vegetarian B&B called Coast. Ben messed up his foot on this first walk, and it bothered him for the whole rest of the trip, but we like to see that as the first test of our vows to care for one another. Joriel got to do lots of running-and-fetching, as well as "lean-on-me"-ing over the next 12 days.


Joriel and a green door.


Ben and a cup of espresso.


The view out the window at the Tate Museum, St. Ives.


Joriel at the Barbara Helpworth sculpture garden and museum.


After St. Ives, we took a train up the Cornwall coast to stay at Michael House for two days. This was probably the best part of the whole trip, in spite of Ben's injured foot. Here we are on the beach below the ruins of Tintagel Castle, the supposed birthplace of King Arthur.


Rob and Andrea! These newlyweds from Somerset were enjoying a weekend holiday at Michael House. We met them at dinner and fell in love immediately, as we are wont to do.


Andrea is an acupuncturist and volunteered to treat Ben's foot. She didn't think she had needles but found some at the bottom of her bag. Her ministrations made all the difference in getting us around Tintagel.


The magnificent Cornwall coast.


In Merlin's cave, below the Tintagel Castle ruins.


Ben braved this very cold water to see what lay at the other end of the cave.


Later, Ben bathed his ouchy foot in the allegedly healing waters of St. Nectan's Glen, a place of pilgrimage since 500 A.D.


Joriel adding to the offerings at St. Nectan's.


Trying to find St. Nectan's - this picture is all about the lush green foreverness of the English countryside.


Next stop Wales, where Joriel's nana approved wholeheartedly of her new grandson-outlaw.


Our fourth vegan English breakfast in a row - we were so spoiled! (We have pictures of almost every meal we ate. Ben takes his food seriously, thank you very much.)


Joriel's aunt Meg, uncle John, and cousin Ian took a day off to show us around Pembrokeshire.


The Green Bridge of Wales.


Ben blisses out in the ruins of the Bishop's Palace of St. David's Cathedral in Wales.


After a day of shopping in Tenby, Joriel models her new coat and hat.


Ben conquers the beach.


Being in Tenby again brings back childhood memories, and Joriel decides to show off some of her ballet moves. Too bad she quit taking lessons when she was six.


On the ferry to Ireland.


Already exhausted, here we are on the bus from the ferry stop in Rosslare to Dublin.


Ben at the ruins of the old Crom Castle in County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland. Built in 1610, the castle may have had some connection to his mother's family, the Crumes.


In the streets of Enniskillen, Northern Ireland.


The bustling streets of Dublin.


In Swansea, on our way back to London from Ireland, we had lunch with Joriel's beautiful cousin Kate. Ben's almost done meeting family members, though we didn't even come close to seeing them all.


We made it to Londontown just in time to catch the last five minutes of Nick's act.


Eva made us an amazing breakfast.


Nick is not a morning person.


Tiny car!


We sampled some entirely legal (at the time) substances and things got a little fuzzy for a while.


Joriel's aunt Suzanne came up from Hastings to have lunch with us on our last day in London.


Then we went to Stonehenge. It was very very very cold. And wet.


But we did see a rainbow from the train on our way back to London.


After seeing more in two weeks than any two people ever, we came home exhausted beyond belief. We were so happy to see our bed, and Kitty was also extremely happy and relieved.
The End.

the reception


This is a little snap we like to call the Red Carpet at the Oscars photo. Joriel's dress looks pretty awesome, but Ben doesn't like the expression on his face. In the background, you can see part of the slideshow we had running on a loop for a good part of the evening - miscellaneous photos of each of us at all ages before we met and together over the past couple years.


Now mingle everybody. Mingle. That's right. Good guests. More cake for you.


Three lovely cakes, all homemade by Elaine, all vegan, and one wheat-free and soy-free. Plus cookies (a whole heckuva lot of cookies!). Truly amazing.


Everything we know about planning an amazing wedding(ish) we learned from these two crazy cats. Nick and Eva did it all and then some (in the middle of a hurricane!) the summer before us. Nick must also be recognized as the tremendously fantastic emcee for our ceremony.


These two lovely ladies, Jess and Jenn, have been keeping Joriel sane for more than a dozen years. Thanks to them, she stayed calm when the ceremony got started half an hour late.


There was enough delicious food to feed at least ten (vegan) armies, thanks to Elaine and her helper bees. Oh, and did I mention the mead? And wine. Lots and lots of wine.


Speaking of wine... these two wonderful people - Lea and Joe - own an acoustic music club in Charlotte and knew exactly what to do when they realized that we had made no plan at all for opening and serving the wine. If we have anything to say about it, they've earned themselves a special table near the heavenly stage.


This is Tracy and Julie. They don't know it yet, but in a few hours they'll be engaged.


The band, Hotel X, rocked. Sadly, they only got to play for an hour because most of our guests went home a bit earlier than we'd expected. Guess they had to work the next day or something :) Darn that silly equinox for being on a Sunday.


Here we see Ben receiving a ritual blessing from a circle of wine-crazed dancing women. Beth (in the foreground) and Caryn at the far right were two of our most amazing helpers in setting the whole thing up. Also Beth's partner Jim. And at least a dozen other people. I wish we could put all the pictures up here.

our vows

These are the words we wrote after many discussions about the public promises we wanted to make to each other on our big day. We read them as an exchange, taking turns repeating a phrase, then saying the next, so that we each said all the words. We ended by saying the last line in unison.

I choose you ___ to be my partner for life, my true love, and my mate.

I will travel with you and be your companion from this day forward, cherishing always the wonder and freedom we have found together.

I honor all that you are and all that you may become. Through the changes of our lives, I will love you with my heart and my soul, my words and my actions.

I will celebrate your individuality and support your creativity. I will laugh with you and dream with you. I will labor happily by your side, in our home and in the world.

When you are sick or hurting, I will care for you. When you are happy, I will share your joy. Whenever you need me, I will be here for you.

Through the fellowship of family and friends, we have come to this day, our paths entwined. As we step forward, I will continue to support your relationships with others and value the many ways in which our community supports us.

I will trust you and be worthy of your trust. All that I am and all that I have, I will share with you.

I believe that being with you helps me to be the person I want to be, and I pledge to stay open to growing through our relationship.

We are small in this universe, but Love is limitless. Being with you, my faith is strengthened.

Today and every day, I choose you.

the ceremony

We're just posting a few pictures here. Hopefully, you've long ago received an email guiding you to the rest of the pics which are in a private folder at flickr. If not, send us an email.


Dvora and Tara drummed as guests arrived.


Joriel's handsome and talented brother Dreagn and his lovely girlfriend Eileen performed the Townes Van Zandt song "If I Needed You" as we walked in together. (Dreagn later honored us with an acoustic version of "Everlong" by The Foo Fighters.)


Saying our vows.


Wait for it...


Ahh... Now that's what I'm talking about.


Joriel shoves the bouquet in Ben's divinely understanding mom Elaine's hands and squeezes the breath out of his dad Wrenn, while the other Haley children, Eva and Jason (both of whom did a great job of giving readings as part of the ceremony) look on in amusement.


Joriel's parents Gill and Randy give Ben the thumbs up.

the night before


three words: tired, wired, happy


The invitation, the program, and Joriel's practice for embellishing the coats that Ben's mom Elaine made for us.


The most beautiful rings in the world, designed by us and created by Susanna Wagner of Wagner Jewellers in Ashland, VA, who vaguely remembers babysitting Ben when he was very small. (The stone is a white sapphire, not a diamond, for various reasons.)

happy day


what an amazing day! a million thank-yous to all the family and friends who helped make it possible - you know who you are. we are so happy and grateful. we're off to england, wales, and ireland tomorrow, but we'll be back in 2 weeks and we'll be posting more pictures as soon as possible.

welcome!


This is us -- Joriel and Ben.

On March 20, 2005, we'll be celebrating the beginning of our life together with a ceremony and blow-out party here in Richmond, Virginia. Our next big adventure, in June, will be a move to the west coast to try out life in sunny Seattle.

planning frenzy

3.18.05
origami cranes and paper lanterns. flowers and cameras. votive candles, double-stick tape, and huge jugs of olive oil. sixteen boxes of wine lined up in the living room. we're almost ready! we can't wait to see you all!

3.10.05
with 10 days left before the big day, preparations are now in full gear. the top news of today is that nobody has reserved the space at plant zero for the night before 3/20, so we'll definitely be able to get in on saturday afternoon to decorate. that will make the whole set-up process much more manageable for all concerned.

3.8.05
over the past few days we've firmed up details of the honeymoon and today we received confirmation that our application to enter the circle at stonehenge on april 4 at twilight, after they close to the rest of the public, has been granted. pretty cool, huh? just the two of us wandering around for an hour in the midst of the ancient stones.

2.28.05
we both have our passports - what a relief!

2.26.05
outfits for ceremony complete - ben's mom has made us the most beautiful coats ever!

2.23.05
we got our ABC license to serve wine and mead at the ceremony. also this week, ben drove up to hill top berry farm & winery to get some super-yummy mead for the toasts. (if you don't know what mead is, you're in for a lovely surprise on 3/20.)

2.22.05
mega-shopping day for reception stuff

2.15.05
joriel finally finds pretty vegan (non-leather) shoes to match her dress!

2.8.05
applications submitted to get our passports renewed for our honeymoon in england, wales, & ireland

1.31.05
invitations mailed

1.29.05
invitation assembly party

1.16.05
work begins on this website

our commitment

In September 2004, we signed durable powers of attorney, wills and living wills giving each other many of the rights of married partners. With our ceremony on March 20, 2005, we will complete this formal commitment by saying vows and exchanging rings in front of our families and friends.

We have chosen not get married for a variety of reasons, none of which has anything to do with our feelings for each other or our commitment to a shared future. The shortest possible answer is that we do not require a legal contract or the blessing of a minister to make our commitment real and sacred.

We believe that God is Love, and that a union of love will necessarily be blessed. While we consider our relationship to be a bond between souls, neither of us follows a specific faith. Although we regret any distress this may cause for members of our families, it would be disingenuous for us to have a ceremony that followed the tenets of Christianity.

We are also acutely aware that marriage is not an option for everyone, and we are resistant to becoming part of an exclusionary institution. We both identify with and feel compassion for the thousands of gay couples in loving, committed relationships who would like to get married and cannot. Some of these couples are close personal friends. If the day comes when adults of any gender can marry, whether it be in our state or nationwide, we will probably reconsider our choice regarding legal marriage.

It’s worthwhile to note that our state, Virginia, has been a leader in the ugly homophobic backlash that has followed efforts by the gay community to secure their right to marriage (a right that could not be legally disputed before the recent profusion of heterosexist laws). See here, here, and here. We are gratified to find that we’re not alone in believing that if a government or a religion cannot offer marriage equally, it shouldn’t offer it at all. See here and here.

By not getting married, we also hope to sidestep some of the restrictions, assumptions, and definitions that many people would attempt to impose on us if we were to marry. The institution of marriage, as we see it, has had many burdens related to economics, religion and gender discrimination piled onto the statement it makes about love and commitment. We know that marriage has been the right choice for a lot of people, including our parents and many of our friends. We respect and support these marriages. We simply feel the need to establish our commitment in our own way. Call us unreasonable if you want, but we just don’t think the institution of marriage has evolved to a point where we want to join in.

This decision has not been made lightly and has not always been easy. It’s tough not to have easy language for our commitment and to have to explain it, sometimes to complete strangers. It’s a challenge to plan a ceremony that will be both meaningful for us and comprehensible to others. Most of all, it has been difficult for some of our loved ones to understand why we don’t just “go ahead and get married.”

Fortunately, our friends and families are pretty used to both of us being stubbornly idealistic.

As a final note, we recognize that we are privileged to be able to make this choice. If we lived in most other times or places, or if either of us were gendered differently, we wouldn’t be able to choose not to marry. And if we had to get married to be together, or to take care of one another, we would not hesitate.

No matter what the future holds, March 20, 2005 will always mark the beginning of our life together. Thank you for your love and support. We can’t wait to share our special day with all of you!

Love, Ben & Joriel

invitations & rsvp

Invitations were mailed at the end of January. Any questions about invitations can be sent to equinoxunion@gmail.com.

If you received an invitation, please RSVP as soon as possible, no later than March 11, 2005. You can return your RSVP card by mail or you can email us at the above address.

Individuals who received invitations are welcome to bring a significant other or other guest. Please include your guest's name in the RSVP.

directions & hotel

The ceremony and reception will be held at the Plant Zero Art Center.

From the North or South, via Interstate 95:
Take Interstate 95 into Richmond.
Just past the Interstate 95/Interstate 64 interchange in downtown Richmond, take the Maury Street exit off of Interstate 95. (exit 73)
Turn left at the light onto Maury Street.
Take the second right onto 5th Street.
Go four blocks to Hull Street & turn right.
Take a right into the big parking lot.

From the East or West, via Interstate 64:
Take Interstate 64 into Richmond.
Take Interstate 95 South at the downtown interchange.
Take the Maury Street exit. (exit 73)
Turn left at the light onto Maury Street.
Take the second right onto 5th Street.
Go four blocks to Hull Street and turn right.
Take a right into the big parking lot.

From the Powhite Parkway:
Take the Downtown Expressway to Interstate 95 South.
Take the Maury Street exit. (exit 73)
Turn left at the light onto Maury Street.
Take the second right onto 5th Street.
Go four blocks to Hull Street and turn right.
Take a right into the big parking lot.

From Downtown Richmond:
Head South on 14th Street (towards the river) and proceed across the Mayo Bridge.
14th Street becomes Hull Street.
Just past 4th Street, turn left into the big parking lot.


If you need a place to stay, we have secured some discounted rooms at The Massad House Hotel in downtown Richmond. More information is included in your invitation, or you can email us at equinoxunion@gmail.com

gifts

One benefit of not getting "married" is that we're not bound to the strictest rules of etiquette. So, let's just make this nice and clear.

We very strongly desire that none of our guests should feel in any way obligated to buy us a gift. Your presence on March 20 is the greatest gift you could give us. Some of you are also giving us the enormous gift of helping with the logistics of our special day. (If we haven't asked you yet and you would like to help with preparations or with setting up or cleaning up on the big day, please email us at equinoxunion@gmail.com.)

Even if you can't be there on March 20, your well wishes for our future together will be more than enough of a gift.

That said, we have already had some people insist that they want to give us a gift. Therefore, in the interests of not getting a bunch of stuff we don't need, we are registered (as of February 2) at Target stores nationwide. Yes, we used the wedding registry, and you can look us up under either of our names - Ben Haley or Joriel Foltz.

We will also refrain from turning up our noses at monetary gifts, since we do have a lot of exciting and expensive transitions in our near future.

Our mailing address (Joriel's house, where we'll both be living after March 20) is 907 Bradley Lane, Richmond, VA 23225.

Please know that all of your gifts, whether they come from your heart, your wallet, or both, will be cherished.